The beginning of processing grief is denial (also shock, pain and shame).

Letting go of a coping skill that no longer works is a process filled with grief. Whether your denial has looked like ‘beer but not whiskey’, taking a trip or not taking a trip, or too many broken resolutions to count (which can also be called “changing your mind”), denial is an important step to acknowledge in the process.

From there, we can explore together what a life worth living means to you. For many people, sobriety is the ultimate goal, because the thought of managing and controlling their use feels overwhelming. And for some, harm reduction is more appealing.

In exploring your relationship with substances or problematic behaviors, you can attain some clarity on what you want your life to look like, how addiction has impacted this, and begin to focus on finding the fulfillment, contentment and peace that has until now eluded you. It is possible, and it is worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Early recovery is like the first stage of grief.

You might find yourself asking, is this really something I need to give up? Maybe your life has been negatively impacted and you KNOW you need to stop. Or maybe it is not that simple.

Whether fueled by alcohol, other drugs, or a behavior that is addictive for you in nature (sex/relationships, screen time, food, shopping, gambling, etc), the root feeling is the same. Addiction causes — and is fueled by — shame.

It can take a very long time to arrive at the place where stopping seems like a possibility. And for some, the desire to stop comes long before it actually seems possible. For many of us, we spend years grappling with whether or not this is something we can control. To this, I invite you to shift your lens: the substance or behavior may seem like a problem due to consequences, but for most people who struggle with addictions, these substances/behaviors have been a solution.

So… what is the problem you are trying to solve?

Here is where therapy can help, in examining the following questions:

• What are the feelings that arise without this coping mechanism that has become like second nature?

• What is the difference between “disease model” and free will? And how is this impacting your use? Or sobriety?

• What do I do after I stop?

• How do I live sober?

• And what the hell do I do with all these FEELINGS?